12 - Exploring Titan and the Mountains of Madness

Hello,

This is a brief transpond from a distant planet. These are the first images sent back from the manned probe sent to Titan.

Indeed a foreign world - barren but for the ice and liquid methane rivers plus terribly dangerous glacial sinkholes that caused no end of consternation to the psychonauts Doctor Lobster and El Dawid (aka Davey Crockett). Signs of life were certainly encountered in this patch - in fact a complete Alma footprint was found - Note distinctive extra 'ball' of the foot and single horizontally long toe plus claw. (Reality aside: The Alma is for all intents and purpose the (Mongolian) equivalent of the Yeti)



After exploring Titan's surface and being reminded of the power of Nature (said sinkhole and caving ice edges) we retreated in the face of an almighty gale to our now-broken landing pod (tent) to weather the worst ice-storm we could possibly have encountered in the height of a mongolian summer. We received about an inch and a half of sleet/snow overnight. And to illustrate how cold this was... in the morning the stream near us had frozen over. I broke the ice (haha) to get some water to make tea... Returning to the same place 45 minutes later to clean our pots etc I found that section had re-frozen. This was in the morning AFTER the sun had risen! Brr...


However after that the weather turned into the most glorious sun-baked day. We hiked and climbed for 7 hours from our base to the peak of Mount Malchin. This was an arduous climb far beyond what I thought I was physically capable of. I had approached the horizon hunt with a purpose (a magic spell if you will) and this plus the spirit of the place seized me and pulled me up to the summit. A testament to the power of the (bloody) mind(edness). By far the highest thing I have climbed I know by doing so I extended my personal envelope (and gazed deep into Russia, Kazakstan and back into Mongolia).

I have no doubt that I will add much to this in the future but in terms of Mountains and Valleys here is an insight:

If Mountains represent the remarkable learning experiences (positive or negative) we encounter in life then the Valleys are the periods between the momentous occasions in which we come to understand the lessons taught by the mountain. Because I can tell you I am not capable of climbing another mountain of this ilk in the same day. I am also happy to announce that care of David Haupt I can add that sleep is counted as very solid Valley-time. It is during sleep that we assimulate the experiences.

And finally below a few more shots of our locale.


And yet I have not even told about the jungle horror mosquitoe horizon-crossing hell-march from west of the sun to east of the moon I did less than a week ago. It involved a day's horse-ride, 2 nights out, 25km hike and a 36 hour period without seeing a soul other than my own! A sight I was quite surprised by truth be told. Its quite the thing to wander close to the edge of one's endurance. And a good thing to note for future reference. Lovely.

Ok, here's campsite 1, 2 and a lunar curiosity from there. Love ya x

11a - Out and about in Ulaanbaatar

Quite a city… they say it’s crowded and I suppose it is but where I come from its not.

You see it’s a big country with a small population. So by Mongolian standards it’s crowded. By London standards this is a breeze. Really. But it is dusty – I’ll give the guidebook that.

I’ve been in the country for 36 hours and done a lot of wandering around. Befriending the occasional traveller but mainly hitting the language barrier at full speed when encountering Mongolians. Sigh.

Still it’s the kind of place you wish you had 10 eyes in. just to take in the multitude of different sights and sounds. One interesting (and annoying) bit is getting served on plates loosely wrapped in cling-film. Is that done for some benefit of the plate or the customer or a desire not to do any washing? Who knows but it’s definitely unnecessary in my eyes.

So far I have been out both nights I’ve been here, you know getting the feel for the place and all that. I’ve also managed to find the uber-trendy cocktail lounges. And encountered the same hostess in the same outfit at both. Shame about that language barrier. All I can do so far is mutter something akin to ‘thank you’. So in the first one The Crystal Lounge, while nursing a Black Russian alone in a low chair I observed a young Mongol complete with Fohawk leave his booth, come to the bar to grab a straw for a compatriot. He dropped it on the floor. Then picked it up, replaced it back among the others, took a different one and returned to his table. Not having much else to do but watch and think about this I imagined he may have thought “I can’t give this to one of my friends now, its been on the floor and I’m sure they saw me drop it, but if I just throw it away unused then this might be the straw that breaks the planet’s back. But what you don’t know won’t kill you so I’ll just put it back and no-one will be the wise, the next dude will just use it no problem.”

Obviously he could’ve thought a load of other things but more than likely was not thinking at all merely acting on what his current level of social conditioning/learning had led him to do (and in whatever state of intoxication he may have been operating at who knows).
But the back-story for me has to be in his social awareness. He believes the group of friends would not want a straw from the floor but won’t think harshly of him for putting it back. Or he didn’t believe in the 5-second rule for him using the straw if it was for him. That said the 5-second rule doesn’t apply in trendy cocktail lounges anyway as everyone knows their floors are much dirtier than normal bars.

What really struck me about all of this was the impenetrability of his thinking to me. I had to imagine what he thought without any chance of really finding out.
You see, as I can’t even say hello yet in Mongolian there was no danger of me asking: “Excuse me, when you picked that straw up were you concerned for yourself, your friends, what they thought of you or trying to spare the planet another 3 cubic cm of plastic?”

Mind you I’m unlikely to really have risked that kind of “calibration question” in most circumstances anyway. Which is also why I try not to talk to anyone 12 hours into an expedition from 7 hours behind on almost zero sleep. That’s not really true either… actually that’s exactly what I do try to do. But it’s a good thing I’m incommunicable.

That’s what this kind of travel is like – coming to one’s own conclusions and examining what I would do in the same place. And Christ I really hope that in a similar situation I do not pause to consciously consider it! Around that moment I also considered that I had better not have another Black Russian cocktail either. It had mixed far too well with my jetlag.

So here’s another revealing incident. Foreign toilets. This one had an inner toilet room and an outer basin and mirror room. All western normality except I can’t find the light for the inner department. At all. So I convince myself there is none or it’s broken. I manage. Go back to my Black Russian. Incident above happens. Finish and go to leave. Go back to toilet to find the light is on… try to find its switch, fail again. Laugh at myself. Reminds me a bit of the things one accepts while travelling and excuses one makes for altering one’s social conditioning. All good. Except strip fluoro lighting is never acceptable.

Now all this communicating with others is good and adventurous but one also has to be very careful and always understand that a good exit strategy will help in “Survival from the Thickest” e.g. I met 2 Italian newly weds who’d Trans-Siberian expressed their way to Mongolia starting from Cracow. They tried to show me ALL of their photographs of that journey - yes very nice – Polish you say? Beautiful? Yes I see, and that’s you with all those bottles of wine? Ha-ha, very good, oh Auschwitz and Birkenau… yes… lovely… I mean hideous of course, (sigh)… for your honeymoon you say? Man that encounter sent me heading for the hills straight away.

Other than that I’ve some time spent testing my “photograph monks without them knowing” skills – not very good yet. I’m struggling with attachment issues to the $5 they ask for the pleasure. Though I understand they are not photo opportunities and need a way to fund their mobile phone and ipod purchases too - just like the rest of us. I’m managing my expectations about this. And if I sound jaded its just because I’m trying to be funny and still jetlagged, up late at night worrying about who I’m going to rent my apartment to next year. That is how much I am NOT living in the moment right now. I’m sure tomorrow will be different to this late night.

Met a bunch of folk trying to get themselves organised for an eclipse trip over to the west… a Russian, some Brits and an American. Nice people. But I’m glad I am on an organised tour for this one… just easier and I’m ok with that for once. Having thrown some money at the problems of unreliable cars and 3-hour flights rather than 4-day drives! And met a British/Japanese couple who've also been to all the eclipses i've been to so far... party people. Nice.

Not many other eclipse-heads around so far. There was a major eclipse close to the capital back in 1997, which was clouded out so I think the Mongolians have just given up on the event. Back then they expected 6000 visitors and only got 1000, tour operators lost money etc, so they don’t see it as a big tourist attraction either, … and perhaps it is not…

Anyway – tomorrow I am abandoning civilization for a whole 3 nights as I head out into the wild to see what finds me out there.

Then I am back to meet up with the eternal David Haupt – he’s going to be in for a rough time as I drag him around Ulaanbaatar while He’s jetlagged and I am not!

Right now see also this stuff about Horizons.

Oh and this about Black Moons

The snaps included here are 2 entries into the sneaky monk shots but they’re not gonna win anything – I’m just showing you I‘m trying! Note the pigeons clustering in the shade…

A man-in-the-box artwork reminding one to think about getting out of the box

A shamanic temple sign but no sign of the shamans – just some VERY drunk, very toothless types. And yes I know a shaman could look like anything but these were probably just temple guards… we’ll see… I do hope to encounter some of this business...

My offering for silly foreign sign...

And best of all a VERY cool dinosaur(s) fossil of a protocerotops battling a velociraptor. Apparently they were covered by a sand-dune midfight.


I have a bit of a pattern with writing these things... I want to communicate and really enjoy doing so. However I leave it to the last minute usually. Just like a school project. It generally means that they're a little rushed. So it goes. I'm noting that in my own life - i'm generally a little rushed... and its also often with self-imposed deadlines... awareness... disconnection... dialogue... recycle to a positive alternative...

11b - Horizons

Let’s have a chat about Horizons. Odd things. As an analogy they represent the extent of your world - being as far as you can see. What you can surmise about a horizon is that there is something on the other side. You just can’t see it right now. You can approach a horizon in two ways.
1. You can rise up, high above wherever you were as if in a hot air balloon and through this greater height you might effect a great change in your horizon too.
2. The other is to go right up to it. Depending on where it is it may change with each step towards it you take (curvature of the earth type) or it may remain resolutely the same until you are super close and then suddenly it will rush away and settle like the end of a rainbow oh so much further away and out of touch.

Either method is equally good. If there was a qualitative difference between them it could best be described as the difference between strategy and tactics. Strategy is about a longer view while tactics require much quicker reactions. For me a nice thing about horizons is that while they define the extent of your world they are never barriers or boundaries. The minute you arrive at them they effectively melt away revealing a whole new world to explore. They’re just hiding something from you. As horizons are generally crossable the limitation they emplace on you is generally just on your own imagination. That said nothing stops one’s imagination from wandering over a hill and having a fantasy! In fact at times it’s quite nice to just imagine what is over that horizon rather than really climbing to the ridge or digging out that hot-air balloon.
Though on a personal level I’m all for going and having a proper look because I quite do believe this world is a far more amazing place than my own imagination can conjure and thus I am constantly surprised by it and richly rewarded for extra-horizon peeking. And experience is the mother of all wisdom.



An interesting note: horizons tend to be on mountains. Unless you’re on a ‘valley-trended’ elevated area in front of a very wide valley plain when only the curvature of the earth supplies your horizon. So if you do look to the horizon generally you are looking up in life, to a time when after a period of success or endeavour a new world will be yours (for better or worse). Not a bad trend or general rule of thumb. Keep your gaze on the horizon. But do keep an eye on your footing. No need to stumble when the going is good but more important not to stumble when the lie of the land is treachorous.

And who would not want to have a horizon. Imagine never being able to wonder what was just over THAT ridge or what’s behind THAT dune. No thanks. A lot of my forward momentum is created by curiosity and the draw to the unknown. Many will see that as good argument to back the claim that I will never be happy with what I have etc. And my answer to that is absolutely I am happy with what I have but I will not remain happy if it all remains exactly the same. I am an experience-driven individual yet recognise even the smallest changes can be worth experiencing.
I’m also very aware that nothing remains the same – everything is bobbing along the river of time so every moment we experience is different from the last and it may be worth having continuity too.



Thinking back over the period known to me as E4 ( which began 29 March 2006 and includes E4-B and E4-B2) there have been many thunderously momentous occasions. Such as 2 Burning Man excursions, Quintiple Inter-continental Travel, Inter-dimensional Great Love-mongering, Divine Moments of Truth, Extreme Moments of Sleep-deprivation, the sweetness of First Kisses, the process culminating in my name in “Lights”, the Hoffman Process and surfing a wave for more than 30 seconds! Each of those moments have been a stratospheric expedition in the Hot Space-Balloon of my life. From each I have seen far beyond all my previous horizons. But as after each moment I sink back to the ground of my default reality I have to rely on my memory as to what is over those horizons.
Still having seen over them once, I feel much better placed to travel in the direction of the horizon I would like to cross with a better choice of the valley I would like to explore or reside in next. Useful.

Yet at times rather than being high (sic) I felt I was pretty damn close to those horizons. Nestled up against them. Sneaky like a hungry Bedouin sniper spying on a camel train winding its way to an oasis in the Promised Land. And then I’d find myself thinking, “What the hell, I’m just going to step over this horizon and into that other world”. Liberation! I could see a different place to be, could see the way to get there and had the courage to just take that step towards my goal. As I crossed that threshold the world would shift and rearrange itself with me as the new centre. Its obviously not that I am the centre of THE universe but I am the most important thing in my own life (for now – I am sure it is possible for this to change...). My Bedouin would leave his rifle, and in taking one single step be in the lush palm forest on the shores of an abundant world fresh and ready for an entirely new type of pirate! Or knight, cowboy, vampire or muppet.
But I also note that despite the wonder of all those moments I still choose to measure the period back to that previous eclipse in Turkey. And so I note its full moon tonight. Thus I am only half a lunation from that next entrancing eclipse and entering the period known to me as E5. And this cycle has been 2.5 years. Nice.
I am horizon hunting tomorrow so I’ll be away from the life-support system (laptop) and I just wanted to put something out to all of you who are important to me in case I do not get another chance before 1 August.
Clear Skies for the sake of restoring Mongolian interest in eclipses
Doctor Lobster

11c - Black Moon Rising

Black Moon Rising

Now another thing, pretty minor but I think it’s worth mentioning… You may know the phrase “Once in a blue moon” referring to something rare. And you may know that when there are 2 full moons within the same calendar month that’s a Blue Moon. Of course full moons tend to get noticed – they’re pretty obvious after all. Great heavenly altars to the Lupine Lords. But new moons rarely feature much of a mention. After all – its like they are not really there! In other words NOTHING to notice. Well this August contains 2 new moons. And that’s called a Black Moon! Does this portend anything? Dunno. I think one can read into it whatever one likes sooooo I’m gonna read into this that this is a hugely positive time. Even more so if you are in the Northern hemisphere – cos its Summer. And August is about the only reliable month in Europe. At least one can rely on the Italians not to work that month. And before you think I am being facetious – I’m not. I truly am impressed that pretty much the whole country takes that month off – I have yet to experience it at first hand but by god I plan to indulge in a Tuscan august one of these days. But not this August… this one starts with an Eclipse and ends at Burning Man. Pig - Shit -Wallowing. Yes please.

10 - There’s Something Going On… Right now… (and some Wish Theory)

But you can’t see it. It’s to do with Venus - that wonderful evening / morning star (yes I know it’s a planet but it looks like a star). Yes, sultry steamy Venus, the place women are meant to come from. (Aside – so why we’re sending so much stuff to Mars and not Venus?)

Some of you might’ve noticed that you haven’t noticed Venus in the last few days. Well – this is because Venus is directly behind the Sun. She’s going to be there for a while. She’s as far away from us as she kinda can be… you know on the Far Side of the Sun. This is called an Occlusion in Astronomy terms and its very rare. What’s interesting about this is that it means this is the midway point between the 2 transits of Venus that occur in our lifetimes (assumption). A transit is when Venus crosses in front of Sun. The first took place on June 8 2004 and the next on June 5-6 2012. But prior to 2004 it had not happened for 125 years and after 2012 it won’t happen again for another 118 (ish). I think this is pretty cool. Captain Cook invented Australia while going on an expedition to Taihiti to observe the Transit of Venus in 1769 so there are some pretty major events linked to the rarity of these transits.

Sure right now we can't see anything happening but I find it quite interesting just thinking about how Venus really is all that way away from us hiding behind the Sun. And I can only BEGIN to imagine what's going down on Venus while its so well hidden from the prying telescopic eyes of Earth's astronomers.

The shots I have included here are ones that I took from the UK of the 2004 event.

Here’s a useful link.
http://www.transitofvenus.org/

Now, to the what’s really at stake here… with Venus being absent from our skies we are deprived of one of the more common and reliable methods of acquiring a wish.

“Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have this wish I wish tonight!”

Yeah – every time you see that First star you get a wish… but not possible right now.

I am writing a segment about Wish Theory and I need some of your help. I am collating all the known methods of Wish Acquisition. Here is what I have so far, its pitifully short but it’d be great if you can add some more or provide any of the underlying sub clauses to these methods:

1. Evening Star
2. Birthday Wish (but there’s a lot of rules about candles being all blown out in one go and cutting the cake without the knife making a noise on the plate)
3. Aladdin’s Lamp – Rub it – Genie – 3 wishes etc
4. 8 sneezes in a row
5. Wishbone (chicken – 2 people break it – whoever gets the largest section gets the wish)
6. Fairy Godmother
7. Shooting Star
8. Walk on shit with your left foot (this is strictly Parisian)
9. You get a Bay leave on your plate.
10. 7 wishes at new Year in Brazil from Yemanja (Goddess of the Ocean – you have to jump over 7 waves in the sea though)
11. Find an eyelash on your face (one version holds that you close your eyes, make the wish, blow the lash off the person’s finger then to make it come true you have to kiss that person. Some people say the eyelash is on the person who found its finger and you press your finger to theirs and then whoever has the eyelash on their finger after THAT gets the wish)

And its good to know all of these as let’s face it wishes are useful and extraordinary things. And no matter how wonderful your lives are this world is not at peace so we can all at least put any garnered wishes to damn fine use.

But please send me all the others I do not yet know…

Incidentally things that are 'lucky' like 4-leaf clovers are not includable as they don't convey wishes they just add luck...

That’s me my lovelies, off to bed in this Southern African Winter.
x

9 - Poignant Acts of Hypocrisy on Behalf of The Universe

Friday Night

Hello Lovelies,

I know its been a bit odd trying to keep track of me this year and believe me I’m having just as much of a hard time doing so.

So tonight, in the throes of (not) making a decision about whether to make an impulsive transcontinental shift at the behest of a friend, I had one of those good old self-generated moments of inspirational randomness.

So, the scene, Part 1…

I’m in Los Angeles. Have been for 9 days… Due to stay here for another 9… I’ve been kind of housebound. A bit because of work, a bit more because I tweaked my back a little so no yoga for a few days, another bit more because I kind of like the house I rented, its got a good garden. Filled with birds a-twittering, bullying and flirting with each other as its mating season. And it’s pretty hot so I’ve been lazing (er… working) on the lawn while topping up the tan. But I’ve also been being a bit serious and you know what… a bit bored. Often I think that I need to get a bit bored before I sit down and do some writing so I was sort of hoping that this would start to happen now. And I’d be interested to hear what you think really drives me to scribe these missives! And what stands in the way of me doing more with it. And by THAT i mean really set down the Mountain and Valley Theory.

So… back to the point… a bit bored in LA and also a bit darn down about the state of my heart’s desires. Minimal friends around so I am feeling a bit lonely. And perhaps in a moment of escapist weakness, my dear friend Warwick caught my sensible self a-napping. And while I was suggesting he come to LA he suggested I go to New York… a seed well sown in the fertile bed of my head. Well why not!

2 things possibly. 1) It will cost me more money to do that! A factor a bit important to someone who is not really doing a lot of paid work at present is also touring every continent he can lay a flight onto with trips to South Africa, Mongolia, China, London and back to LA next up. 2) Am I just running from the very place and moment I am in when I might begin to write those things I do really want to write and I kinda do like LA? Hmm… But getting to spend time with Warwick and Patricia in NYC is a very cool option at any moment. Plus the Brian with Spaleytrax Prototype is in town… and why can I not write there? Too many distractions? Perhaps… but where too is the legendary discipline? Oh yes that was in the bathwater with the baby… oops.

Also one of the things in terms of making it worth doing might be to depart as soon as 7am Sunday morning. Now to achieve THAT I need to organise quite a few things round here. It’s a wee bit of a mess.

It is in my nature to try to do everything! Another pattern of mine is to keep my options open. So part of what I need to do tomorrow/Saturday is to stick things in crates and store them at Warwick’s place in LA. And checking on the interneti-spaghetti I find the Bed, Bath and Beyond Home Store in the Beverley Centre Shopping Megalith is still open, so if I rush I can get the crate and be better prepared for tomorrow if I choose to go.

I pile into my small SUV rental and drive on over… counting my money in my head and counting the cost of this alternative expedition to New York. Offsetting less car rental with more airfares and so on. I am concluding that it is about $600... then the position I am in strikes me – blowing $600 on a few days of my life! Let’s say 8 at the most. I find something about this quite sickening.

I’m slowly approaching a red traffic light in the darkening gloom of dusk and ahead of me I see an elderly gentlemen in the road, bent over his cane, closer to cripple and judging by it, homeless to boot. Begging with a paper cup at the corner of Paradise long since paved over with a Parking Lot. He’s 2 lanes into the road and is trying to make it back to shore before the steel tide surges over him at the first glimpse of green. His fragile head is but a foot or so from the cars in front of him…

$600 for my 8 days.

$600.

I shift uncomfortably and continue my slow cruise past him, now precariously beached on the pavement edge.

Phew… unease.

I turn into the Beverley Centre Parking Lot… I feel on one hand that my decision about New York is not about the money. But if I have that kind of cash why not do something more sensible with it? At this stage I already know I am going to go and talk to that man. It’s just what else am I going to do. And in what order will I approach this event. You see Bed Bath and Beyond might close before I get back and then I will not have got my crate and then my options would be more limited. So you see, there are factors present to my mind that is not keeping up with my soul’s compassion.

I put my mission first. I park - I have no choice about THAT. To get back out to him I have to go through the very store I need to be in to make my purchase. I go into the store. The security guard, a young lady greets me in that fabulous American friendly fashion, not wanting anything, just wishing me well. Once inside I am perfectly efficient, I disregard all the unnecessary things I am normally drawn to. Jugs, bowls, and breadboards – I love a breadboard. I ask the first assistant I see where I can buy the crate and do simply and only that. Well, also exchanging some friendly banter with another shopper. I like that about this country. It did not slow me down though. I’m thinking of what I will give this man when I meet him. What questions I might ask him and what possible outcomes there may be - his gratitude, surprise, possible madness or drunkenness. Him saying “God bless you” me saying, “There’s no need for THAT”. My decision is that I will give him all the cash I have on me. This amounts to $70.02 after I have paid cash for the crate. I think about keeping 2 dollars to have as tips for someone else but I do like the idea of giving him everything I have on me.

On my way out, the same security guard says goodbye in her cheerful way. I talk to her regarding when they are closing. The lift to where my car is, is inside the store so she tells me of another way to get back to my car if the shop is closed. I return to my car and drop the crate off. I wonder about whether or not I should drive out instead of walk out… I try to have a look for him from the parking lot 2 floors up but I am on the wrong side of the building. Back down I go. I am in a fine mood. I am probably going to New York and I am off-setting my richness ‘issue’ with a constructed encounter I expect will enhance my life and be an unusually good thing for this homeless guy. I am confident ready for this meeting of worlds.

Passing the security guard again… we exchange more friendly words. This time I ask her name “ Melissa”. I give her mine. We are both big smiles and cheer. I say “Melissa, please look at me now.” Takes a step back, arms open, palms up. “I would like you to observe me now and if I come back through here, tell what is different about me then. Because I am going out there and either something is or is not going to happen.“

“Ok” she beams.

And off I go… I think I bet she’s thinking I’m going to propose to someone or something. I now decide that I will keep $5 back from my man but ask him if he is ok with that as I wish to give it to someone else (perhaps Melissa). See what take he has on allowing another person to benefit from a random gift too. I’m also disappointed to find that I do not have any of my friend Jason’s “Licenses 2 Live” with me as I could also give him a couple of those and suggest he give them to someone he receives some money from in the future thereby enhancing that exchange and allowing the Licenses to be distributed in another and more poignant fashion unbeknown to us involved in that project.

Out of the parking lot and into the night I go. Straight to the corner where I saw him.

Where he was.

He is not there.

Ok.

Well that’s ok.

Disappointing but ok.

But I will have a bit of a look around. So I start up the street – trying to think… where would a crippled homeless guy go? Which way would he walk? Along the busy road or a darker side street? I recognise this is a little hopeless but I say to myself – just trust your intuition. So eagerly I go up one street. North. A block. Nothing. Backtrack and walk west… I pass a very large hotel with several doormen outside. I stop to talk to them and ask if they saw an elderly homeless guy go this way. I’m talking to 2 of them really. One sort of implies yes but wants to know what happened and what the matter is. I quickly reassure that nothing is wrong and that I just need to talk to him and its all good. He’s now claiming he doesn’t know. I get slightly irritated – saying that I want to give the old guy something but this guy is just saying, “I can’t say”. I have the feeling that this is the moment I am meant to bribe/tip him. I do not but remind myself that I should not let this irritate me because this fellow has done nothing wrong and is just the person I chose to talk to in this quest. To him, I am nothing but potential trouble. So is he not going to do or say anything else. Grrr.

I carry on in that direction another block. Nothing. I pass a couple of banks and think about drawing more money. Why not?

I don’t, I get distracted looking around and thinking. My energy is draining away. I am resigned to returning back the way I came. Passing the hotel. I check the irritation in and leave that behind forever. I’m back where I started, on the corner I first saw the guy at. No sign. I’m feeling flat about it.

I cross the street and head down another block, east – there are a couple of other homeless guys there. Much younger and a bit sketchy looking. Suddenly I don’t really feel safe. I know I am. There are loads of people around and these guys are not even vaguely paying me any attention. Why should they? They’re very used to having no attention paid to them. A little further along there is another shivering lump with large unkempt hair trying to sleep underneath a filthy sleeping bag. Some coke cups, bottles and open books of matches are near him/her. To what purpose i do not know. I do not have the same feeling at all regarding these less fortunate folk. I think about giving them the money. Talking to them and satisfying my ‘encounter’ needs with or on (?) them. I don’t. I just walk back to where I came from.

I’m definitely feeling flatter now. So much of all this just seems so odd and so alien all of a sudden. I did a fair job of exposing myself to the will of the universe and I have to accept that this is what the universe wanted. I don’t bother with thoughts about how I could’ve moved faster and so on. I just never got to hear that guy’s story and do my good deed thing. That’s ok. I saved myself 70 bucks! Fuck. How could I even think that, but that’s what Mind does to us, it thinks things. Weird things. It does not mean we are those thoughts. They just come and many, like that one, just need to be let go.

My focus shifts now to Melissa the smiley security guard. What will she say on my return?

I can feel my glumness. I wonder if she will notice. I already know that I was much livelier and chirpy earlier. Filled with charitable potential. So I wonder if I should give her this money. But that is not what this is about for me. Symbolically I wanted to give that guy everything I had. And yes I did toy briefly with the idea of really giving him EVERYTHING I had. But naturally the universe saw fit to make sure I ended up giving him nothing. And now there’s a homeless old guy that I know about yet he does not know I exist. To him – I am not anything, not even nothing – yet for me he is something. A formative moment of madness or clarity, kindness or compulsion, I don’t know and it does not matter. I was happy I had tried but not elated.

I realised that I wanted to see Melissa and to give her a gift but that they were all in the car. So I returned to my car via the other lift so our first re-encounter would be fresh. I got 2 “Licenses-2-Live” and 3 button badges - a “I ‘heart’ life” which I’ve been wearing recently because I do, a set-of orange palm-trees on black and one that says “I’m out of my mind (back in 5 minutes)” and $20… as its USA and money talks…

And back down I go and return as if I was just coming back from my grandiose scheme. She is smiling. I stand a little way away… She looks me up and down and says she can’t tell any difference (I can’t write a southern drawl by the way). She doesn’t know. I’m definitely not as chirpy as I was but I am smiling. She asks if I shaved or something? I realise she is just looking at me physically. So I say “Oh, I’m just the same physically I was wondering if you had noticed anything different in my demeanour?” She was “Oh! No, I don’t think so” And went on to say she had imagined I was going to shave my head or something or come back wearing something crazy (very possible this last for those who know me).

So we chat about expectations and communications and how both of us had not imagined what the other would think or was really up to. I told her the story.
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The dialogue exchange with her above has been deleted on the grounds of the author wishing to remain grounded, which is often difficult for him to do. Suffice it to say when I had gone out to find this guy I was also of the intention to never tell anyone ever. I wanted to do something for the impact it would make on someone and not for the credit I would receive. This has been an increasing desire on my part to introduce that more into my life. When the situation changed, I felt the universe had sort of tricked me so it inspired me to write this up.

Melissa Wilson is 20, she’s originally from Louisiana, and she’s in LA and writing her first novel. She likes the idea of psychiatry and thinks that she might go back to university soon to do more of that. I commended her on her wonderful spirit of friendliness. We both expressed the hope that we would see each other again sometime. I was tempted to trade an email but I thought that it was also unnecessary. We come from very different walks in life and if our paths cross again they will do that anyway and not just because we made it to be. Besides I know where she works and she can, if she is cunning reach me through the License 2 Live website. I had wanted to give her a “Greeters License” as well as a “Random Kindness” license but I did not have any of those with me so I gave her a “Ground Standing License” which was kind of good for her security guard role and a “One Day License” just for fun with instructions on how she could get more licenses and the 2 I wanted her to have – I hope she does and so can you **see below**.

I never gave her the $20. Our exchange was too nice to bring money into it and it was so much beyond what she expected after saying “Hello”. I kind of gave her extra gifts with the suggestion she could pass them on too and thus also share in the wonder of gifting.

Maybe tomorrow I will go and take a photo of her – if indeed she is still there. That way I will have some photography to aid the story… after all this is a long essay unalleviated by some snaps.

** www.license2live.com

Go to this website – check out the licenses – you can order some for yourself and for now and the next few weeks they will be sent to you for free. This wonderful guy I have the fortune of knowing, Jason Keck aka The Jayman or Cheetah, has set this up. It’s a great way of making people smile and having a small but perhaps significant social impact on them and the fun in their lives.

My understanding of it is that these are great little reminders that we should live our lives according to our own rules and not the dictates of society. And they can function in a way as ‘omens’ – like if you have one around you might just ‘notice’ it right when you need to…

He’s done this all out of his time and pocket. By simple necessity and the fact that the demand is rising for them he has got to start charging – at LEAST for the post and packaging plus the small costs of the items themselves and someone to do all the shipping.

So check it out. Now for free ones and later for new variations!

And if you do get any, spread them on… the feeling of giving one to someone else and seeing their reaction is really fun.

The “legal” disclaimer in case you encounter any negativity (and I have only had 3 negative reactions out of about 150 gifting moments is that you are merely providing a reminder to people that they can act on these freedoms they already have.

I’ll have more to write about these in due course but I am almost done for tonight and I have a lot to do.

So… am I going to New York? I don’t know yet – I will decide that tomorrow. I think I probably will but it might not be on Sunday – maybe I’ll just take another day or 2 here in LA. There’ s no need to rush though there is one cool sneaky event to go to on Sunday in NYC, which would be good, and I do have that pattern of trying to do everything. Do I care about the money? No not really. Which leaves me wondering what I was really doing all evening.

And I wonder about the state I am in. This definitely counts as writing. It certainly happened very fast and i think that was as the result of it coming from a real experience. I just had to write what happened and what i felt. Easy. No need to make anything up. Was it overall born of boredom? Was it done at the prospect of excitement or simply torn from me so that at the last minute before I leave this town I do not fail in my goal of having written? What do you think?

I think I need to go to sleep…

Clear Skies

Dr L. xxx

ps I also did not give Melissa the “I’m out of my mind - back in 5 minutes” button… I thought I’d keep that.

8 - News From The Martian Front

Fellow Terrans,

Wonderful News! Our Imperial Space Forces, guided by the God of Almighty Equations have bypassed the Martian Defences and re-established a beachhead on the Red Planet catching those weedy evil anal-probing cow-abducting Martian pests napping.

Read all about it here in this tamed down article:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7411113.stm

By using a Northern Polar approach our forces only had to break through the fiery atmospheric shields bypassing the undetectable arrays of zyto-gosmic disruptors and batteries of zeltar-beams presumed to have been installed around Equatorial Mars in response to the successful attack made in 2004 by the Illustrious Rover Mission. These concealed destructive arrays are the only logical explanation for loss of the subsequent missions to Mars. After all how else would the Martians be shooting them down? And the fact that we can’t see them is surely a testament to the fact of the Martians cunning ability to hide themselves and their gold. Vis-a-vis we have yet to actually capture one on Earth – but we know they are here, we keep finding Martian rocks - see picture – and we know where they are – so if you’re a Martian reading this then turn yourself in and we promise no harm will come to you haha. Honest.

It was a million to one chance that they’d come to Earth yet still they came! I wonder what chance they gave us of coming to them! We showed them alright!

This victory heralds a turn in the tide of war against Mars. Since 1960 scores of assaults have been launched by a coalition of space cowboys. And Martians have been obliterating our brave forces since then, sometimes blowing rockets up as they are about to launch other times using mind control lasers to turn promising scientists into brainless muppets uploading software that redirect probes to target Earth instead. Lest we forget the fallen hero’s of Operation Marsnik, Sputnik, Zond, Mariner, Viking, Kosmos, Phobos, Observer, Nozomi and Beagle.

Since 1976 and the first penetration of their defenses with Viking 1 & 2 landing a small force on the surface it’s only been managed twice by Pathfinder/Sojurner (97) and Rover Spirit (04). These brave yet unsupported forces hold out as long as they can until the merciless and ignorant Martians batter them to bits. Well this mission is appropriately named Phoenix. As the Phoenix will only rise from the ashes (of Martian cities and culture).

In exchange the multitude of UFO sightings around Earth continue to add up as do the annoying reports the Martians broadcast through-out the solar system regarding their War on Terra. I can even make you all aware that Agent Pearl and I encountered several one evening in Uruguay. Some disguised as fireflies, others that resembled cars cresting a dusty horizon but al UFO’s to be sure. Why Uruguay you might ask? Well they have a lot of cows which UFO’s love. 2nd only to abducting humans they love dismembering cows (just ask Paul Marangos). And Uruguay really doesn’t have much of an air defense system so they can operate with pretty wild abandon here unlike over the USA and the former USSR. Now have you also noticed that common “U” in the country names and UFO? Well – you should equally be aware that there is no such thing as a coincidence... No wait – that’s rubbish – of course there are coincidences. Its just that they only get interesting around Class IV.

Since our heroic Terran forces have landed several propaganda images and films have been acquired and sent back to Earth for mineral and financial analysis with a view for what can be gained by conquering, colonising and bringing the Good Word to the microbes of carbon-based life oppressed by the Martians for all eternity. Don’t worry Microbes! Earth will save you!

Many groups here on Earth are opposed to this Terran hostility believing we should focus on Earth, finish the job here, strip-mine the other planets later and devote our resource to saving Tibet from chanting monks.

And NOW view what's really going on here

and added later... this