Riding Into the Sunset on a Dead Horse

Hello All,

I am recently finished filming in New Mexico and happy to be returning to London shortly in metaphoric cowboy disguise but before THEN its that time of year again – when I go back to Black Rock City – Burning Man. Home! Yay!

And normally I write a whole long thingummy thang about my mood and expectations for the coming adventure... However this time I will not and mainly because I am super tired as I have been hammering, bashing, plotting, planning and creating Art. I am fulfilling on my last year’s promise to put Art on The Playa this year... There were many moments during the year that made me think I would not do it but at the last (ish) minute I got it all together and an doing it.

Its the video installation piece I exhibited in London in 2007 at the Climate of Change exhibition on London’s Southbank. This time it will be in Deep Playa - out there in the dark awaiting any who dare to stop and listen to its secrets. Its called Hoarse because Death might as wellshout itself hoarse for all the attention we're likely to pay it before its oft-too untimely arrival...

If by any chance you are at Burning Man keep your eyes peeled for this piece I expect it will be out beyond the Temple somewhere...

And other than this I anticipate I will have a totally different experience of Burning Man this year as I will be there with a project. Report on THAT to follow...

Much love

Hal aka Doctor Lobster

In the meantime attached are 2 snaps ... One is of the walk in closet door in my room in Santa Fe. You will clearly see that there is a sign saying ‘Mind the Yeti’... The other is of that very Yeti inside that same closet... I had set this up as a silly joke/trap for curious folk to discover while on the way to the toilet...

Well we had a rather large and good party at this house (very well attended at 430am by the Santa Fe police department) and someone still managed to throw up on the Yeti! I mean there was a sign and everything to just not to that.

More to the point though – what fool would risk throwing up on a Yeti... Not only can they tear you limb from limb but as a shamanic god able to ramble through your sleepytime they can also rip your dreams to shreds... Show them respect! Fear them certainly!

Notes from the Yeti Overlord... Well – every Doctor has a darkside, Dr Jekyll had Mr Hyde, and Doctor Lobster has the Yeti Overlord...

Did I mention I was tired? Yes I am... But if I go to sleep then I might dream and then the Yeti...

Wish Theory Expounded

Wish Theory Expounded

In what seems to have been another equally wonderful lifetime though was only about a year ago, I wrote a small item entitled Something is Going On (and Wish Theory see here). In this, I detailed all the ways I could think of that one could get a wish. It was a pitifully short list. And as I completely believe in the twin powers of Wishing and Bureaucracy I wished to know a) as many ways in which one could have a wish granted and b) what problems, hurdles, red tape and sub-clauses there might be associated with these methods generally and individually.

I opened the forum for audience participation and requested from the readership more suggestions. The response was overwhelming! I’ve lost track if I have any wishes in the bank at the moment but if I do then certainly my wish is to share this list with all you lovely people. Wish moments are more common than faeries but can provide much delight. So if you are on this list I think a lot of you and want you to be equally aware of all the wish-possibilities!

I do love a list. But beyond a list I love sub-dividing it into categories too (this does not apply to my to-do lists)! So, I have, more for my own entertainment divided them into a few substrata. I admit too that I taken a slightly judgemental approach in some of the assignations. By this I intend to cast no aspersions on what may or may not work for others. I am an infant in understanding Wish Theory and merely offer these as the point from which to digress … and as ever I am intensely interested in hearing each of your opinions and more methods.

These are all methods by which, in an instant a ‘Wish’ is attained. It does not really refer to the type of events that occur when one of us mortals says, “Your wish is my command”. Though you might certainly hear that said by a Genie (Djinni) or some such.

As the devil is in the details it is of my opinion that each and every sub clause no matter how minor it may seem should be treated as accurate in achieving a wish’s successful resolution. For example - Traditional #6 does indeed require YOU to kiss the person who found the eyelash and not having them kiss YOU!

Traditional
1. Evening Star – And you have to sing “Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight!”
2. Birthday Wish – There are a lot of sub clauses to this one eg The candles need to be blown out while your eyes are closed and all of them must be extinguished in a single breath. Similarly it will only come true if while cutting the cake the knife makes no noise on the plate. Some people add that one must scream while cutting the cake – though I suspect this was added in order to lessen the chance of the knife being heard on the plate.
3. The Wishbone in a chicken. Two people each wrap a pinky around one bone and pull it apart. The person who has the largest piece gets a wish.
4. Shooting Star.
5. Cutting the wedding cake. You have to do it together of course! Though each of you get a wish.
6. You get a bay-leave in your serving of a meal.
7. Someone finds an eyelash on your face. One version holds that you close your eyes, make the wish, and blow the lash off the person’s finger then to make it come true you have to kiss that person. Assuming the found eyelash is now on the finger of the person who found it… well, others suggest that you and this person press fingers together, pull them apart and whoever’s finger the eyelash remains on gets the wish.
8. a. Throw a penny into a fountain (or wishing well)
b. Throw a penny into a fountain and make a wish when the water clears so you can see your reflection. I subcategorised this because some fountains and wishing wells never clear in this way…
9. If you catch a dandelion ‘parachute’ in your hand, you make a wish then open your hand and blow the seed away. Not as easy as it may seem and the person to offer this added that sometimes they’d discover when they opened their hands that they had not caught one at all! Then spend the rest of the day chasing them trying to make good.
10. What you can also do is pick a dandelion that has bloomed and gone to seed and blow its seeds off… the sub clause on this is that you have to blow ALL the down off it in one puff or else your wish will not come true…
11. Finding the sixpence in the Christmas Pudding.
12. On the first Robin of the Spring
13. On the evening of your birthday, look at the moon and make a wish. A crescent with its tips pointing up means that the moon may withhold your wish. If the tips point down, your wish will spill forth. A full moon signifies a year of good luck.
14. Others claim that you can just wish on the moon… but never through glass and the authority behind that is also someone’s mother so beware this sub clause. Mother’s know much more about wishes than they’re given credit for!
15. This tradition of the Afikoman during Passover is not 100% clear as being a wish but some say it is… you see… a fragment of matzoh is hidden. The children then have to look for it, as they look they may make a wish and the kid who finds it will have his wish granted.
16. If you find a black feather, stick it in the ground so it stands up, and make a wish. If the feather you find is white, stick it into the crack of a tree trunk and walk around the tree as you make a wish. As long as the feather stays in the tree trunk there's a chance your wish will come true.

Superstitious
1. If you sneeze 8 times in a row.
2. If you see 11:11 or 5:55 on a clock. But you have to avert your eyes from the clock until it has changed.
3. a. A ladybird lands on your hand
b. A ladybird lands on your left shoulder
c. If a ladybug lands on you, say “Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home.” If it flies off you wish.
4. If you see a kedyon (I was asked not to reveal this one so I have made an anagram of the ‘thing to be seen’ so you can figure it out for yourself…)
5. When you see 3 birds on a telephone wire.
6. Put a watermelon seed on your forehead and make a wish before it falls off.
7. Make a wish on a new pair of shoes before you wear them for the first time.
8. Hold your breath and make a wish while crossing a short straight bridge (and why not a long straight one if you can hold your breath a long time?)
9. If you see a white horse, you can make a wish, but only before you see its tail!
10. When the clasp on your necklace is turned all the way around to the front, someone else can turn it back for you and tell you to make a wish. This doesn't work if you do it for yourself, so it's a good idea to train all your friends to keep an eye out. Oh and you should kiss the clasp before returning it to the back.
11. If you find dew on a morning glory, wet your lips with it and make a wish.
12. If you lose an earring, make a wish on the remaining one.
13. If you find two nuts in one shell where there should only be one, share the twin with someone, and you can both make a wish. The first one who remembers to say 'lucky nut' the next morning will get the wish.
14. When two people say the same something at the same time.... they get to link little fingers and wish...

Fairy Tale
1. If you find Aladdin’s Lamp and rub it, a Genie will come out and grant you 3 wishes. Rumour and legend maintain that there are more receptacles and more Genie’s than the one that was within Aladdin’s Lamp… old bottles and oil lamps make for good rubbing …
2. One’s fairy Godmother might grant you a wish.
3. If a fairy loved your father, you might have 3 golden strands of hair on your head. If you strike these with a matchlock what you need for the next stage of your journey will appear… this effectively amounts to a wish though in general it is one of those non-cynical wishes that do not bring into question the ‘fairplay’ or ‘word-trickery’ possible with wishes. For example: In The Reed Girl - the Prince strikes these 3 hairs and a winged horse that has eaten glowing coals appears, it is just such a horse that he needs in order to cover the incredible distance to the island on which resides the most beautiful girl in the world (England as it happens…). The island is of course shrouded in such a darkness that a spoon would stand up in it and the horse that appears knows this so instead takes the prince to visit the Sungod’s daughter in order that he may acquire a ray of Sun to bring light to the island when he gets there… story continues…
4. The Ruby slippers in the Wizard of Oz – click your heels together. This was hard to classify and I’m doing it over a cup of chai with a biscotti in Santa Fe making a movie. I think for a moment I held the Oz film (no matter its excellence) against this method but have resolved that this is really a fairy tale so it is categorised here.
5. A circle of grass that's greener than the rest is called a fairy ring. Stand in the centre, turn around three times, and make a wish. If the fairy ring stays, it can be wished on once every three days.



Location/Country Specific
1. If you walk on dogshit with your left foot (strictly Parisian)
2. You can get 7 wishes from Yemanja (Goddess of the Ocean) at New Year in Brazil – you have to jump over 7 consecutive waves in the sea though.
3. In Sri Lanka, if you throw a penny at a particular Buddha statue and it lands in his hands your wish will come true…
4. In Japan there are certain trees you can tie your written wish on.
5. Kiss the Blarney Stone in Ireland and then go up some wishing steps.
6. Rotating your thumb in a hole in one of the columns of the Aya Sofia in Istanbul (see picture of this in action – yes all true!). But the 'sweaty column' part remains a mystery.
7. Senhor do Bonfim – The lord of the Good Endings. In Bahia, you can have three wishes if someone ties a string onto you as if it were a bracelet. As they tie it they say, “You can have 3 wishes”. However you have to keep it on until it falls off…
8. On Catalan New Years eve parties, one writes one’s three main wishes for the New Year on a piece of paper. This is then folded and set afire if any of the wishes survive the flames they will not come true.
9. In Hungary you may get a wish If you see a Green Trabant (an old-school little car from the communist era) then you need to nip the arm of the person next to you and THEN wish... The Trabant needs to be moving - a parked one doesn’t count and it’s only valid if its green. (I wondered about putting this into spurious but who am I to say and it is definitely country specific – if only it were possible to trace the magical origin on this one!)

‘Real World’, Complex and Spurious
1. If you drive through a yellow light – you touch the ceiling and make a wish… bad behaviour I think - encouraging errant driving! Unless of course the wish is not to have a crash.
2. If one sees a car with one headlight, one can put his or her thumb on the ceiling of the auto saying "padiddle" and make a wish.
3. Tooth fairy… I’ve always believed that what they do is leave some money under your pillow. I remain uncertain that the Tooth Fairy has the power of wish-granting – opinions please… However the offerer of this method added that as a child he was told to put that tooth under the pillow and as you go to sleep make a wish and the tooth fairy will make it come true – ie “ stop your crying and believe in powers outside of yourself to make your desires come true…” He also added that perhaps the tooth fairy is to blame for climate warming which is definitely funny enough to mention. But perhaps the “mother” clause ought to be applied to its veracity… and see picture… do you dare open the box above?
4. Make a wish each time you eat a green M&M. I’m convinced this has been made up as my sister and I used to pretend we’d be transported to the Wonderful City of Oz every time we ate a green Smartie. I guess in a sense we were…
5. Wish List for Santa – I’m a little concerned about this one as being a ‘wish’ as opposed to a list of ‘stuff’. I’m not sure Santa can bring you a kiss from that lovely girl you met, or world peace and all that. But I’m open to re-categorising this into traditional.
6. Pick your feet up over a railway track and make a wish – don’t be too long as it can be risky… make sure you wish a train doesn’t come along.
7. This is a little complicated but if achieved is meant to be well worth it!
You need a piece of recycled paper (recycled notebook paper works fine).
On the paper, write a short poem or chant to the Goddess and God that states your wish. It is all right if you aren't the best poet on earth! But it is very important that you say exactly how you feel and what exactly you need. Do your best and say it from the heart.
Close the poem with thanks to the Goddess and God. Fold it in half with the words inside it.
Draw a triple goddess sign on the outside.
Now fold it in half again with the symbol on the inside.
Now draw a pentacle on the paper: Finally, flip it over and write your name and birth date on the other side. Put this aside in a safe place and your wish will come true in due time.
If you change your mind before it comes true, burn the paper and put the ashes in the earth.
8. Making a Faustian pact – effectively a deal with the devil to get Earthly wishes in exchange for your eternal soul.
9. An interesting offering from one reader was the case of the fortune cookie. It is not normally a wish-granting item. Yet he posed that the accurate way to address a FC is:

a. Finish the Chinese food (fortune cookies eaten other than at the conclusion of a Chinese meal, preferably a bad one laden with MSG) has no bearing on destiny whatever.
b. Break cookie. Ignoring the piece of paper, eat one half of cookie.
c. Read fortune.
d. If you want that fortune to be true/applicable to your own case, then eat the remaining half of cookie. If you don't want fortune it to be true/applicable, leave that half of cookie on table.

If this system is applied, the fortune cookie does become part of a larger wish-machinery.

Of course your opinion might also change if you add “…in bed” at the end of the fortune.

Near Misses
1. Being poo’d on by a bird. This is just considered lucky and does not really give one a wish.
2. Catching a leprechaun – this is just lucky but one has to be bloody careful as they’re actually quite ornery in their trickiness. And I don’t recall any good ever coming to someone who caught a leprechaun. Feel free to remind me though…
3. Magic whiskey… it might help you see and hear things but they’re not wishes – you are just getting drunk.
4. Wishful thinking.

Additional Sub clauses
1. Touch blue and your wish will come true. This one strikes me not as a wish garnering method but more as being a sub clause that can aid the outcome of any other previously acquired wish.
2. Wishes made on Midsummer's Eve (in accurately reported as being June 23 – I expect its really 21 June – my lovely Mum’s birthday so I’m going with that one) are most likely to come true. And damn I posted this just too late!
3. KEY KEY KEY and general injunction is to NEVER reveal what you wished for!

There are a few views on why a wish ought to be kept secret. Naturally the sceptic and cynic would claim it was just so that there was no way for anyone else to refute someone’s claim that a wish came true.

But why one should never reveal it is a difficult thing to describe or put one’s finger wholly on. As Jess wrote very beautifully back to me in association with this was:

“Would it be accurate to say that our wishes--true wishes, not daydreams, not lame notions that something like a lunch bag containing 50,000 euros would be the solution to all our problems, not hopes such as that our favourite dog will not have to be put down--true wishes are profoundly intimate connections between us and our selves?
We have to keep them to ourselves for reasons not so unlike the reasons that we hold inviolate our true loves' sexual predilections, or hope our confessions are not passed around the rectory.”

My own view on keeping the wish secret is also to maintain a level of modesty. After all it should be enough merely to have the wish come true and not also get to claim the credit of bringing about this great fortune (worldly or other). That and by retaining the wish entirely within we allow ourselves to delve deeply into our unfulfilled parts to be as shallow and self-serving as we like free from judgement or fear thereof. Free to be unbridled ‘us’ within the sanctity of ourselves. Liberating in a sense.

It is also generally understood that you cannot do something deliberately such as make sure you serve yourself a bay-leave or buying a pair of shoes simply in order to have a wish. Wishes are capricious, like little fireflies and they prefer to pop into and out of existence according to chance and the mysteries of the universe. That said it does benefit to know you have a wish in the bank … idle ‘thinks’ thought while being unaware one has just acquired a wish are a significant contributor to the vagaries of the universe and the way in which the most extraordinary things often do just occur. The ill affects of “Murphy’s Law” are in fact more often than not really an unknowingly applied and inappropriately made wish. But of course there are exceptions to this rule – you can for example pick and puff as many dandelions as you like wishing on each and every one subject of course to the one puff a weed clause.

As much as I love a wish I despise the charlatans who invent methods of attaining wishes in order that they may further some selfish or negative end of their own eg chain/spam letters and all that. People who wish under these circumstances and do not have their wishes fulfilled start to lose faith in the power of a wish. It’s this reduction in belief that undermines the power of the worldwide wish web. This lack of belief is quite contagious and wishes share another similarity to fairies. You see every time a child says they don’t believe in faeries then somewhere a fairy falls down dead! And anytime someone scoffs and does not believe in a wish, then for someone somewhere else in the world a wish goes ungranted! Which by the way explains some of those wishes of your own that have gone ungranted…

On idle days I wonder about the background bureaucratic red tape underpinning the wish economy. Can one can have more than one ‘active’ wish at any moment. Should we always wish for the same thing until that thing transpires or can we compound them? You see if I wish for something and then get another wish before the first is fulfilled and I wish for a different thing, does the Wish-meister think to him/herself “aha – he does not really want what he asked for first...” and then perhaps not grant either or wait until it becomes perfectly clear what it really is I want or just deal with the last one in the fullness of time ignoring the first. A case study providing some evidence, though by no means conclusive, is that of the 3 wishes granted in most fairytales. These are generally employed one after another and often used to counter the undesired effects of the ill-conceived wish made previously. Hmmm… makes for good wonderings for me… I rest easily knowing that The Universe knows which of our wishes to grant.

But here is my favourite quote on the matter, by that man Goethe.

Destiny grants us our wishes, but in its own way, in order to give us something beyond our wishes.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this lightness – I look forward to hearing more ways from any and all of you!

And as ever much love

Clear Skies


Hal



Incidentally I am extending this further with figuring out the verbs associated with Wishes. Eg does one get, have, be granted, grant, use or so on a wish? And if anyone knows the collective noun for wishes please offer it up…

Special thanks to wish respondees:
Mongolian Mel, Jess, Peter W, Deborah, Taylor, Yann, Hollie, Gemsta, Taters, Spaleytrax, Laura, Kalahari Mark, Meda, Yum-Yum, Cas, Tania, Roma, Jayman, Serena. Debbie, Eva, Jeu

Sweet Dreams From All Over The World

Beddy Byes,

Last year I had the fortune to spend parts of my fortune in all the corners of the world… this year is different. This year the flying carpet was pulled from under my feet. But I landed in the Sparrow-wings of Love and a period of stability beckons. Stability is a relative term, especially in my life but through every stroke of bad luck, fortune has shone brighter than ever. Almost to the point that I welcome bad luck as the harbinger of greater things! And I’ll write more about THAT in time. And I guess tempt Old Murphy and his ‘Law’ too.

The short story is that I am in back in London after a couple of months prepping a lovely film in South Africa (Heaven & Earth). The finances fell through on the film and we were diddled out of 3 weeks pay on top of what was a monumental disappointment. So it goes. The result was that I was able to return to London and now get to work on the film “Paul” which I guess is the next installment in the Shaun of the Dead / Hot Fuzz series. Its very exciting but I can’t write anything about it as its top secret – so top secret in fact that we have to go and shoot it in New Mexico for 3 months June – August.

So where’s the stability in THAT you ask? Well afterwards I spend an entire year in London doing the post-production on it. This dooms me to a full English winter! My first in 6 years!

And to honour that I feel like sharing a piece of ‘art’ with you all…

On that trip last year I photographed (nearly) every bed I slept in. So here they are below in movie form. Assembled to proportionally indicate the amount of time I spent in each. Occasionally I missed a bed so I substituted it with some other relevant image. But do not read too much into the image – the meaning is normally more obscure than expected and generally implies a back story of some description. And one is missing in entirety as the story may never be told.

I prefer to think of it as a form of art-film rather than a 90” commercial selling beds of the world but as ever, I’d love to hear what YOU think and promise any reply will be personally responded too! But in time, as tomorrow I am off to pad around my pad in Kas, Turkey for 10 days in the company of the excellent Anette and I am planning to keep the old internetty spaghetti machine off the entire week! We'll see how my communications-addiction holds up!

Its also been one year since I had a Hot Crusty Bun - I hope they have them in Turkey - its my favourite tradition in all Christendom (except for Easter Egg hunts OF COURSE!).

Much love

Doctor Lobster.

Oxen-HO!

Year of the Ox

The rat is abandoning us! At least it does on Monday 26th as that is when the Ox rolls on in under the eerie auspice of an annular eclipse (*see below). The Rat was a year of perseverance and gave reward according to one’s energy output. The Ox also rewards in great abundance but only to harder toil. And this concerns the labour's of life rather than the endeavours of employment.

The Ox is a year to approach all tasks with intent and sincerity. Everything should be considered and everything can be done or at least begun this year. What you set in motion this year will bear you profound fruit in future years but it is things that you yourself set in motion. Things already in motion (started by you or others) will benefit from the broad generosity this year offers as a year of momentum.

So keep it going, this year you’ll find that easier. And if that direction is up then expand the goal at every ridgeline you cross, pausing to admire the view of the road both ahead and behind. If something dips or feels uncomfortable, shift yourself and realign your load. There’s no sense in imbalance in a year this solid.

But be certain to feed the furnace, refill the well, sleep to dream and dream long and deep.

Abandon vanity for it is in the mirror you’ll stumble and fall.

Anyway much love wonderful people


And note that this year coincides with an annular eclipse viewable in the Southern Hemisphere from 08.15 ish South African time for an hour or so if you happen to be in the neighbourhood. Pinhole projection or proper viewing glasses only!!!

Previously on Dr Lobster's blog:
Rat-a-tat
Wallowing In It
Woof Hey
Cock-a-doodle-do
Monkey-man

Quantum Toaster of Improbability

Lovelies,

The last time I wrote I was in Los Angeles and engaged in the art of smearing my presence all over the planet. It makes for a rather thin layer. I am not fond of thin layers really… especially not on toast. And this is a story about a toaster…

I like thick layers of whatever it is I have to hand. Even though it is a mood based issue - say like a base layer of goat's milk butter, followed by half an inch of creamy ripe avocado, some houmous, sprouts, tomato, cucumber, salami, roast pumpkin seeds and pepper (see pic). That may sound excessive but it is not and it is a meal in itself with all the nutrients you may require. On occasions the base layer of toast is almost just an edible plate on which all that scrummy goodness is balanced. But the quality of the toast is indeed essential to the sandwich. And bread is no more acceptable a substitute than cold water is instead of a hot shower on a winter's day with boiler troubles and no central heating (my current strife).
Anyway as I mentioned last read I was in Los Angeles. Now I am in London. I've been back a month. Back in my own house. Hooray. Its been good. It's the first time I've been in the same place for more than 15 days this whole year. More on THAT later. You see I seem to live my life at a pace and fullness which can cut out achieving some important things.

And here’s the example to somewhat illustrate – I love toast. It can be as comforting as a nice cup of tea and a sit down. But I no longer have a toaster. I used to have a fabulous gas stove with a lovely built-in grill that made superb toast and magical cheesey toasties (would you believe they make toasted cheese in pots on the stove in Canada, quite well admittedly but seems odd no?). But that stove broke and my landlords replaced it with a really rubbish thing that has an internal grill but its a real ball-ache to get to work and you have to have the door open for it to function which is a major design flaw and annoyance. So in this entire month I have not yet managed the minor achievement of purchasing one. I have been into an Argos store 3 times. Argos stores are catalogue stores. You look in a catalogue, find a product code, fill out a slip, pay then wait while in the depth of the store warehouse someone finds your toaster and sends it a collection point for you. All for £6.92. However I keep arriving at the store, filling the slip out then seeing a huge queue and catalogue shopping being an imprecise science, realising I don’t have time to do this before my yoga class on a, for example, Monday evening at 7pm. Well I probably do have time but these classes always fill up and become super packed and that’s such a drag being rushed going in and getting a bad spot etc... So I leave just thinking I will return the next day earlier or somesuch. But then my day fills up with all manner of more important things of great consequence! So I just keep putting it off even though, as mentioned I love toast. That juicy warmth... Yum...

Its Sunday night 30 Nov. All is well (aside for the heating issue). I was out with friends in Hoxton Square and left to return home – a drink or three having been imbibed. I was on my bike. I planned to go a certain way home – which would’ve meant going the wrong way up a one-way street on my bike with no front light. I was meeting a friend at my place and she was in a car leaving from the same bar so I was in a hurry being the proud cyclist in London determined to prove my simple transport quicker than the planet’s most popular A to B polluter. But something prompted me to take a new and slightly different route, realising it might actually be quicker. This shortcut as it happened was also the right and most sensible way for me to go resulting in me going the right way up a one-way street. But before I got to the street I traversed a pedestrianised section. And there on the side, shivering up against a brick wall was a sodden toaster (see picture). A 2-slot 4-slice configuration in white with some light turquoise details, brand unclear “D” logo. Something plastic stuck in its maw.

Naturally I was quite intrigued at this fortuitous find – it being precisely what I needed. It had about it every look of being a lost pet, bewildered and bedraggled. The remoteness of position, time of night and weather conditions made it highly unlikely that its owner intended to collect it. But why would someone abandon a working toaster. Then again why would someone bring a broken toaster to THIS place and abandon it there? Did this toaster run away from an abusive home or excitedly wander out for an adventure after some errant child left the kitchen door open and now it can’t find its way back to the pantry. Or had it been drinking? So I wondered – was the universe gifting me a toaster? Sure I hoped that would be the case.

At any rate, I was in a hurry (noted again) so I scooped it up and cycled with it under my arm back to mine. I put it on my kitchen table and marveled at the improbability of this circumstance. The universe will provide that which you seek and ask for. And even that which it knows you need.

But I have yet to test it. You see I was inspired by it to write this tale. And being of inquiring mind I thought I would be authentically journalistic about the experience and document the events as or nearly as they happened. So it still remains to be seen if the toaster works or not. I have no central heating so it is super cold but I do have some wonderful fresh sourdough bread purchased just today which would make super wonderful toast. Mmm… just the thing to survive a night of beastly British winter.

I introduced the toaster to my friend Anette who had arrived by car by now (ha! victory is the cyclists) and she raised the fear prospect that I could electrocute myself on it or do some sort of other damage. Now I very much doubt that I will but it is worth bearing in mind as a possibility though that would be ultra-random by the universe. Then again Aeschylus the Greek Father of Tragedy was killed by a tortoise dropped by an eagle who, intent on smashing the tortoises shell. mistook his bald head as a rock.

This all sort of reminds me of Schrodinger’s Cat. A philosophical quantum thought experiment:

Schrödinger's Cat: A cat, along with a flask containing a poison, is placed in a sealed box shielded against environmentally induced quantum decoherence. If a Geiger counter detects radiation then the flask is shattered, releasing the poison which kills the cat. Quantum mechanics suggests that after a while the cat is simultaneously alive and dead. Yet, when we look in the box, we see the cat either alive or dead, not a mixture of alive and dead. (wikipedia description and diagram...)

Whatever. I prefer the "Lobstonian Text and Voicemail". Turn your phone off, then you won’t know if that cute love-interest has left you a message yet or not. Either your social life is alive or dead. If you turn the phone on then you may find out that they have not and be bitterly disappointed like its the end of the world… but until the time you do turn the phone on you can bask in the golden valley of hope.

So too, I am enjoying the hope that this is a fully functional toaster. And if I turn it on I might be disappointed (and lumped with a useless appliance, I, in my turn need to dump). Anyway it is next to me and my typing is causing the table to jiggle just slightly which in turn is making the toaster’s innards rattle slightly like its purring or communicating with me.



I removed a milky bar wrapper from its innards (maybe that was what was confusing it and drove it madly out of its safe environment) and gave it a clean like one would a stray and its cord got all-a-waggling like a dog’s so I am thinking of it as a hound. And its male. Anette explained it is Der Toaster (sp?) in German not Die Toaster. So I will go with that… And while I find the improbability of the situation very amusing, in the event of it functioning, I have a very light feeling of guilt regarding ownership.

So I plan to paste a poster “FOUND - Male Toaster, white 2-slot, 4-slice Sunday 30 Nov off Hoxton Square. Call 07958 613 466 to reclaim.” With a photo and well if no-one comes forward to claim it then I will mark this event as example A and really trust the universe to provide.

aaarrgrghhhhhh ok – I can take it no longer – I must have toast!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lemme at it!

Ok the toaster is on… it sort of smells and looks like it might be working but the proof is in the toasting! And like a watched pot never boiling, watched toast takes much longer than it should. So I am recording the moment on my camera in the background, it’ll pop up and we’ll take it from there. There it goes!!!! Be still my beating heart… bugger inconclusive… stick it back in – there are worrying signs of a lack of filament in the middle… ooooo the disappointment and dashed hopes…

Darn it – there are vital pieces missing so it only toasts on one side. This is effectively a non-functioning toaster – one cannot be bothered with a toaster that only toasts one side really… and that’s a shame. Though it was still so much easier than that bloody grill. So what is very clear is that I should make the time to ensure I get a toaster asap. No more messing around.

And for the toast I did manage to get out I had the last of the goat’s milk butter with peanut butter and almost the last of the blackberry jam I got from the Frey’s vineyard in Mendocino county, California. And THEY are worth an entry all for themselves! And in time they’ll get it!

Ok its 0143am. I should’ve been asleep a long time ago… but I guess I am just doing what I was taught to do… creatively writing from my own experience.

And I am a little disappointed… after all it would’ve been really funny. So let’s analyse this in terms of cliché’s….

If something looks too good to be true it probably isn’t …

Slow time down so the next decision is the right one … missing filaments from a toaster are obvious problems even or especially late at night in the rain on a bicycle.

Hope springs eternal and one can really set oneself up for one’s own falls though its also a safe way to fulfill man’s need for suffering.

Post script… resolved to buy a toaster today. I still managed to think of several other things more important to do and finally only at 4.15pm left the office and just damn well bought the thing. Except that the model I wanted was out of stock. So I bought another at nearly twice the price… haha.

A curiosity to note was that 4.15 today was also the prime moment to watch the conjunction of Venus, Jupiter and the moon with Venus being occluded by the moon. Its rather rare. And as usual I did not get to see it because it was cloudy in London. So it goes. But my long-awaited toaster was acquired under its auspices nonetheless.

My next mission… get a new toothbrush…


Ho hum.

15 - Still Burning

Still Burning (Brighter than ever!)

So back to Burning Man I went. 3rd time in a row… is its brightness diminished? It seems not…

This is not going to be an exhaustive account – rather just a group of observations and anecdotes…

I have attached some snaps (thanks to Terri too) but all of my shots are available here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/30349717@N03/sets/72157607209975849/

I’ll start with some negatives about this year’s Burn… dusty… very very dusty… more dusty just on the first day than in the whole of last year!

TOOO much to do – its really an overload and I went into the week adamant that I would do the Monkey Chant (see Baraka tribal silly business) and a yoga class… but I failed in both endeavours. I don’t feel bad about this – I had remarkable experiences instead but they remain as things I would like to experience out there… so next year, it shall be!

Walking is the new cycling – normally it is very fun and easy to whizz all over the place on my specially decorated snow-leopard bike but this year the desert floor was very sandy and thus cycling in the wide expanse was nowhere near as easy… AND someone else hadn’t heard that walking was the best option and stole my bike on the last day… it was locked up but the lock was a bit flimsy and could easily be broken. It also puts paid to the idea that people are less likely to steal a bike that has been extremely decorated! Darn it.


I spent considerable this year time checking out the ART. There was a lot and but I feel that the art this year was not nearly as impressive as in the first 2 years I went. There was good art this year but in 2006 and 2007 there were some really standout items that blew me away! These were partly due to their size and extravagance (Beaver Dam/ Waffle/ Big Rig Jig/ Oil Derrick) but also to their interactive ingenuity (Ping Pong Balls aka Cubitron/ Monkeys/ Serpent Mother). This year seemed to lack that… though there was a pretty cool 11-story structure that provided a great view… see pic of bendy-bus at night with giant flag. And hey wait a minute there was a giant 50’ high tetris game that was pretty funny too… but my favourite piece of art was a painting tucked away in a side section in the excellently atmospheric Entheon Village by Mark Hammond… I do not have a shot of it but I loved it sooooooo much. A quick google has revealed that Mark Hammond is a common name… whoever did THIS piece of work that I saw is almost certainly not the artist of the same name operating out of the UK doing some pretty simple abstract 8 brush-stroke pieces that I have found so far ('my' guy must've used around 30 million brushstrokes on his piece, mostly orange and blue – 2 reclining figures smooching but everything turning into a fractal pattern which was made up of minute but detailed pairs of every type of animal, bird, fish, lobster etc interacting and ‘being’ – intense, remarkable, astounding, sumptuous, thought-provoking and capable of spreading a warm sense of well-being through me). But I shall spend more time looking for this…tried good old google again – still no luck… more musicians than artists this time. Overall it might sound a bit like I was complaining about the art but I know art is subjective and I am hugely appreciative for all the artists that did take the time to put their work out there on the playa for our enjoyment. Just making the point that I did not see any super large-scale stuff that made me go WOW – that’s cool! Anyway here’s a shot of the giant Hummer art which fitted into this year’s Theme of the American Dream. The ‘theme’ is always given a good kicking by the participants as being lame or inappropriate. I normally do just ignore it – the event is so much more than the ‘theme’ and I appreciate that the organisers cannot please all 50000 city inhabitants with one theme. Whatever the theme I am still going to go. But I would say that this year it did seem a little bit extra lame to me... Next year’s theme is Evolution and I certainly feel more affinity with that! And subject to what happens to me in the year ahead I plan to bring a piece of my own art to the playa. “Hoarse” as exhibited in the Climate of Change exhibition on the South Bank in London last year. Its time I shut up and contributed something significant out there other than my own brand of wandering participatory interactionism.




So the good stuff… Well, one thing was absolutely clear to me – the best thing about this year for me was people. I was incredibly drawn to strangers and to interacting with them. This did mean that I spent less time with the (all incredible) people in my own camp. I think this was due to the lure of the unknown. In that instant of initial encounter I was able to be exactly who I wanted to be and indeed am free of any prior knowledge or conceptions. Of course one can do this at any time but out on the playa it is that much easier and attractive to do so.

Here are a few snaps of a few of the people whose paths I did cross and acquaint with. These were all incredible people who inspired me to interact openly with them exactly as I would like to – the shots can barely reveal their multi-faceted characters. These people were not remarkable for their outfits or anything overtly apparent but rather for the ease and depth of the energetic exchange they and I shared. There were MANY others but this year I took very few shots so the selection is quite inadequate. And I am fine about that too. I am certain that it was better to focus on the experiences and not on photographing things. Burning Man is so much about PARTICIPATION that photography often feels like SPECTATING. There is a lot of ‘pressure’ at Burning Man to PARTICIPATE but one should remember that participation could at times be providing an audience to a performance. For example firespinners – in cases like that you participate by providing that appreciative audience… but get involved in something else to be sure and partake of all that people have made the effort to bring to the desert be that roller disco, crazy golf, a pyramid made of baseball bats or free French fries late at night!






Anyway one evening while watching some incredible fire spinners doing their amazing things I befriended a couple of just off-duty Black Rock Rangers. I thanked them for their efforts at keeping us safe and all that and gifted them a few things (stickers wrapped around chapsticks, Licenses2Live and I Heart Life Buttons). We then chatted for some time – an excellent pair – I think they were just on the cusp of becoming a couple and I hope so because that was the assumption I had made on their behalf. Anyway the girl, on her 5th ‘burn’ volunteered that her 3rd ‘burn’ had been pivotal in that it was that year she clicked into doing just what she wanted to do. She knew by then that everyone there wants your participation in whatever it is they have set-up and for you to present your authentic self. And as per above, I couldn’t agree more.

This year, there were many moments in which I found myself caught lightly between duty/desire and insecurity/motivation. And on reflection, even the ‘duty’ was light pressure stuff that I worried more about than I should have. I chose to just do and go where I wanted to. The most poignant of these was whether to stick to my “Greeter’ shift on Wednesday night or to go on Art Appreciation with the 1st Republic of Slacking (Slacktoria and Slack Franciscans – I am a Slack African). I felt the duty of greeting and it had been a major highlight of my 2007 burn and I had officially volunteered but then again Art Appreciation, which I’d missed in 2007, had been THE highlight of 2006. Following the lead of camp-mate Wontastic, I examined my feelings regarding what it was that I really wanted to do. I found it was easy to say I wanted to be with Slacktoria for this experience and chose in favour of Art Appreciation. And I am thankful for doing so as it was once again an incredible time and probably my best or 2nd best night at Burning Man ever. Funny and inspiring. And all it took to allay my feelings of guilt was to go and apologise to the Greeters and warn them that afternoon that they were going to be 2 short that evening. They seemed surprised that we were even letting them know but thankful of course that we were!

OK I’ll own up… I was a bit chicken and got a friend to go tell the Greeters Camp that Doctor Lobster and Golden Arse (another friend who was ditching greeting that night for Art Appreciation) were unable to attend. I wait outside for my friend to make our excuses. While doing so, I, in my Yeti Overlord outfit (Doctor Lobster’s dark shamanic side - see pic of Golden Arse and I posing it up at The Deep End), am interviewed by a Swedish Television station. It was relatively amusing and I gave them some good silliness to record… The presenter was a Burning Man Virgin but admitted that they had not been given the traditional on-entry Virgin spanking by the greeters when they arrived! As we were at Greeters camp I insisted this wrong be righted! And there was no way I was going to let a TV crew get away without PARTICIPATING. So hopefully there is some footage being shown in Sweden of me spanking the presenter. And relax its just silly irreverent lightness. Anyway it was rather all fun and good spirits. With any luck my estranged sister will see it. No doubt she still won’t talk to me though. So it goes.

And a big thank you to Kris and Jo (and anyone else) from our camp who went and greeted that night in our place!



Backing up to Art Appreciation – what a crazy night. Forty people get together, take acid and try to stick together all night while wandering around the dark wide open desert appreciating the art and of course each other’s company. Sticking together is half the fun and quite tricky as there are so many distractions with tons of wink blink lights, crazy art cars, fun folk, dancing options. It is dark and we cover a lot of ground, but employing the age-old buddy and meta-buddy system with the incredibly resilient and adhesive qualities imbued by Trevor, Lianne (even with her undercover buddy) and my distinctive el-wired top hat the whole ‘Shit Show’ managed to stay together until about 4am by which time everyone’s water, juice, grub and strange crazy winky-blinky tricks have run out so we returned to camp to replenish. Extra points definitely do go to Trevor’s blue muppet as the best funny trick though I think my extreme glowing bright red delicious and nutritious Chernobyl worms must rank a good second. Some of you actually ATE them – haha – good on ya. Anyway the return to the camp separated the lightweights out and the dawn squad of 7 of us (see pic) continued the adventure. We saw the day in at HOME (see pics) a super great cozy loungey theme camp in a prime location. And for those of you who do not know – ALL of this stuff has nothing to do with the organisers but is built and provided by the general participants (i.e. you) at the event for your entertainment. And is open and free to everyone!

While watching the sun rising we observed a befuddled cyclist ride straight into this huge ball and fall over. This snap was taken just after he had righted himself. How do you not notice THAT!?

We took the Safety Third route home via a tightrope walk (see pic) and then, one of our number, Dustin, voices his desire to play Twister… Immediately this chap pictured offers us his spare twister set as a gift… This is good example of a relatively common type of occurrence of synchronicity that goes down at BM. Voice a desire for a thing or object and lo, it appears! The wonder of the Gifting economy…







And here a few shots from our camp Recharge Ranch – specifically a very special Dr Lobster sign (Always Fresh) made by good friend Gem. Another shot taken by our neighbours of Warwick just finishing setting up… This is a rephotographed print given to us by the folks across the street from us. A very surprising gift to receive in the middle of the desert!




One of the nicest exchanges I had was with a couple Jess and Alyssa (see snap above). These 2 lovelies were so cool. I encountered them briefly on the playa and then saw them again on top of the 11-story tower. Turned out they were virgins and had arrived a mere 2 hours before our encounter and that this was pretty much the first thing they were doing. I asked what kind of initiation they’d got from the Greeters when they’d arrived. They said they had got to ring a bell. I asked if they had got their spanking too? “No!” they said. “Well”, I said, “It is your right! And I am a deputised Greeter so we can rectify this wrong right here right now!” And produced the ever-popular vibrawhip once again… We chatted and laughed and connected and it was all super great. When it got around to introduction time and I revealed my identity as Doctor Lobster – they burst out laughing. Turns out that they or perhaps just he had once been in a band called Doctor Lobster and the Dolphinettes! But that Doctor Lobster never ever made it to a gig and the Dolphinettes always had to play alone and come up with a new excuse as to why Dr L was unable to attend that night. Apparently they even had a shrine built to Dr L! And now that had finally met me! Naturally I apologised but pointed out that I was very seldom in this dimension and if they’d please not mention to anyone our meeting, as I felt awfully bad about never actually getting around to attending even a single gig. When we parted a while later, Jess said they felt like they had just been born into this world. To which I replied: “And what was the first thing that happened to you after your birth? The doctor spanked you!” Badabing.

I made sure I re-encountered these 2 at their camp, which turned out to be the one with the tightrope. This also turned out to be a group of chiropractors offering their realignment techniques free to those in need of them. I took great care to give these 2 my contact details but I managed to not get theirs, or else I’ve lost them and all memory of getting them and now I have no way of getting hold of them… just hoping that they one day get hold of me! Well - so it goes…






Another excessively fun themed and interactive art event a few of us enjoyed one night early on in the week (and not the ‘art appreciation’ evening) was the Department of Dreamland Security. See pic, This gang had erected this giant skull and crossbones enclave topped with barbed wire and aside from being pink and covered in a brain-like pattern it was kind of intimidating. You went through a tunnel guarded by some very stern people who gave you a very bureaucratic form to fill out along with the instructions to not talk to anyone else, not pass contraband and not to try to have fun while you were here. They would bark and shout at anyone who tried to say anything. Very stern indeed. The Dreamland Visa application form was exhaustive and authentic with all manner of questions about whom you were planning to dream about and whether or not you had been refused a dream visa before, or had ever engaged in subversive dream terrorism etc. When you THOUGHT you had filled out the whole thing you showed it to a set of guards who tutted and noted SOMETHING you had done wrong and would make you redo something. Finally that was acceptable, they issued you with a passport and you had to wait in a queue to enter another building.

For some reason I was awarded VIP status and rushed through the queue to the head and let in (probably just to annoy the others and increase the authentic wait they were having! Though I did offer the guards a few gifts, which might’ve acted as an implicit bribe haha). Inside another room filled with security cameras and screens, a guard checked my passport, asked me some awkward questions about why I wanted to enter the dream of my choice and then stamped a visa in the passport and cheerfully announced that I was free to enter my dream. I passed through a yellow and black chevron door to the sound of a loud klaxon. This door just led out the back of their construction onto the playa replete with all its amazing splendour. It was a very authentic bureaucratic visa experience with a remarkably good job done by the organisers. They really made it feel like school or governmental in a very fun way even though you were NOT allowed to have fun. And the result of it was absolutely perfect. Coming out their space was exactly like stepping into the most wonderful of creative dreams. And Burning Man certainly does do that for me – its helps me fully realise much of my potential and allows me to know that the only way to live your dreams is to make them a reality! Yay for that… Great effort from a great gang! 1000 thanks! And you know that this was ART so I take back a bit of what I wrote above… there was some great stuff!

And then there was another dust storm…

And then they burned the man… (pic pre-burn)


And then they burned the temple… (pic)

And then we had to leave which was super easy at 6am Monday morning – we just drove out without stopping in half an hour (unheard of!). I think many people had left on the preceding 2 days when the dust storms came in.

Only then our RV broke-down (pic). But at least it was right next to the Empire Store so we had access to tea and a telephone for the 10 hours wait to get towed to Reno. We also had to leave some of our stuff behind and drive through the night to get back to LA on Tuesday morning in a rental Jeep.

All that could still not dampen my spirits though! It was, once again, an excellent journey. I do feel like I am going “Home” when I am in Black Rock City and sharing myself with all the others there. This year was perhaps less outrageous than last year but that might also be down to the the kind of year I have had – traveling all over the place with minimal responsibilities. It allowed me to approach BM this year quite calmly. Treating it pretty much as ‘just’ another stop on my travels and doing the same type of things that I might’ve done in any city I went to – seek out some good people, climb the highest thing I can find and live my life my way.

Will I go again? Hell yeah! Hope to see you there…

I have not written much about what Burning Man is as I have done that before. Rather I am just leaving you with a few tiny titbits of an experience that has to be lived to understand. And if you want to read more about what the Burning Man event is, as written by myself – then go to these links on my blog.

2006 Burning Bloody Man

2007 Part 1 With Goose-like Tread Upon the Way I Steal

2007 Part 2 The High!!!

Or to the site itself
www.burningman.com

Much Love

Doctor Lobster

14a - No-thing is the Key to Something

Within one’s life there comes an important moment.

It is the moment of NO-THING

It is easily confused with NOTHING

They appear very alike. Yet while one is doing NO-THING, the wheels of indolence are grinding away deep within the well of one’s creativity. Grind grind grind they go, revolving and machinating. It’s a curiosity that even while one is doing no-thing there is always something going on. If it were not so then why would it be so pleasurable to rest after doing no-thing?

So. Just so in fact.

This all brings one to wonder what NO-THING is. Well, I believe it’s a threshold state. Those indolent wheels are doing whatever mysterious work they need to do to make one simply stop the nothing and start the something. Indolence does not answer to the laws of societal gravity. Instead Indolence revolves in the dim light of Languid Languishing. And by that light many a fancy is considered and laid back down to rest, stillborn as an idea of the world. Until one among them all provides a spark to ignite the fuse, blow the keg, burst the dam and flood across the realm of action. Whether enough water has flowed under a bridge, off a duck’s back, or a coil is wound, a bridge crossed, an empty glass half-filled who knows. But the period of no-thing ends in a flurry of activity.

Becoming ok about being in a state of NO-THING is a necessary precursor to returning to the world of SOMETHING as an inspired contributor.

I have thrived this year by having to hand a ready clutch of handy yet flexible plans. Its meant my course has had motivation. This course has led me to munch my way through one tasty experience after another just like the hungriest of caterpillars. It is no surprise to me that this period has contained many references to The Little Prince. It is my favourite book. And within it my favourite line is: “Everything that is essential is invisible to the eye”. Caterpillars only feature in it quite early on when the author speaks of the questions that adults find important. He ridicules adults as being interested in things such as a person’s age, or how much he earns and so on whereas adults ignore the most interesting questions about a person such as whether or not someone likes caterpillars or what their favourite colour is... Mine is normally a deep emerald mossy green like in this picture of these stones...



Thus far, this year I have been in all 4 hemispheres of this Earth. I have been under the Moon, ridden the waters of 3 oceans, climbed a mountain, paid tribute to my tribe, established love within some stones, buried the ‘parents’ of my childhood and loved the parents I still have, forgiven everyone and myself, faced death and ‘died’ only to rise refreshed and aware that I am able to use my past to brighten my future. In doing this I harmonised the 4 parts of my being and received planning permission for the necessary character building still to come. All of this has added to an understanding that there are alternate realities. And the knowledge that one can move between these as required. It’s an exhausting list and I feel like a crazed prospector dusty from blasting dynamite yet laden now with the chore of collecting and refining many tons of experience-bearing ore. But being so used to blasting I was a little uncertain of doing this NO-THING.

You see, right now I have no specific plans or goals, I am waiting to hear news of a film, which if it happened will provide the necessary emphasis for another phase of life. Oh sure I have SOME plans but they are just a week in Shanghai area around 22 July next year for another eclipse and Burning Man at the end of August but other than that I am shamelessly lounging in Los Angeles. But here’s the catch… the loot is running low so I am accepting that another film is a good idea in order to restock the coffers… and it does limit me somewhat in where I can go and for how long…

But now I know the way the spot a valley - having nothing to do but everything to choose from. Thus I hold in one hand my powerlessness and in the other my destiny.

So, for now, I really am going to do NO-THING. And I am going to feel good while I do it.

Provided I stop eating so much dried mango too... My tummy hurts. I wonder if a caterpillars tummy hurts before they cocoon themselves? Maybe I should have just one more piece of mango…

But as I wrote above I believe NO-THINGNESS is an exciting threshold period. It’s just like being a pupating caterpillar. Its lethargy could be the hallmark of succumbing to banality or death or it is the prerequisite stage before an improbable metamorphosis to a creature wholly and entirely different. Time will tell. And if it is metamorphasis it will also be interesting to see what emerges – butterfly, moth or fly!



Seems like i do not have a shot of a moth with which to represent that possibility...

Now move on to Scales of Reality